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Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2015 8:19 am
by cathie
Years ago I helped start a new preschool. I was on the board for three years and left once dd2 graduated. The Director is having a "founders dinner" on Dec 5th and changed the date because I couldn't make the original date (Dec 4th, dh's holiday party).

A day after I said yes to December 5th, dh and I received two invitations for that night -- one for a holiday party we attend every year and another for a movie premiere party with some new friends. Both will have lots of people in attendance that we want to see but hardly ever get the chance. I'd MUCH rather go to either of those than the "founders dinner" (which would be me solo and I'm not really friends with the others).

I'm feeling major guilt about trying to back out of the dinner. But I know I'll be mad at myself for feeling it's my "duty" to go and missing the more fun events (and it means dh stays home too, he won't go alone).

How would you handle this?

Re: Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2015 2:08 pm
by Esmeralda
While it is unfortunate that the director changed the founder's dinner just for you, I have a feeling you did not ask her to do this. Since she did it entirely on her own, you have my permission to do one of the more "fun" things! If you could text or email her and just say that something else came up and you won't be able to make it, that should be sufficient. You don't have to mention that it was something more fun!

Re: Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 4:43 pm
by mobetsy
That's a tough one. Did you have a discussion about the date change and what would work for you, or did she just find out you couldn't make the first date and change it to the new one? If the latter, I'd say you have no obligation. But if you had a conversation about it, I think you do need to be there for at least part of the time, just as you'd tell one of your kids about not bailing on a prior commitment because they get a better offer. Unfortunate that the dates conflict :|

Re: Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 5:44 pm
by Sue
I'm with Betsy that it seems like you need to at least make a significant appearance at the founders day event. Do you have an agenda for the evening ... will their be a cocktail party / reception part of the evening that you could attend and then excuse yourself (which I would let them know about ahead of time) and head to another of the events (and how will you choose between those?)

Good luck and have fun - you have a very full social calendar! Very unlike mine. :grin:

Re: Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 4:44 pm
by Maelyn
I'm with Betsy and Sue... bailing on the commitment (assuming it was originally agreed you'd be there) is kind of rude. But showing up for part of it and then heading to another activity would work... or even arriving late if that's possible but making it to at least part of the event.

Man you have a much better social calendar than I do.

Re: Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:19 am
by cathie
Thank you all -- food for thought. And FWIW, I usually have next to nothing on my social calendar! Figures that all three things would be on the same evening!

Re: Holiday party dilemma advice needed

PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:44 pm
by cathie
Update: I took your suggestions and went to one party a little early, declined the other, and went to the founders dinner (a little late). It turned out to be a nice evening and it was a small group so I'm glad I went. Thanks all for helping me think it through -- sometimes I need a little PnM perspective!

But note to the world if something doesn't need to be planned during the holidays DO NOT plan it then!/end rant