Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby April » Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:34 pm

I guess my thread on hygiene has me leading to their hairstyles. How much of a say do you have in how your kids style their hair? How long they keep it, for instance.

For girls (and at times, I guess for boys) do you allow them to have it highlighted, colored, etc?

I am asking this because Alex has taken to wanting his hair longer. For quite some time we started having his hair cut short. Mostly because he disliked having to brush it much at all, so keeping it short solved all that for many years. But now that the style is longer, Alex wants to keep his longer. Yet, he has inherited both my and dh's wavy, thick hair. Which translates to *unruliness* most days. Since he is not very good at keeping up with brushing, and not even good at shampoo/conditioning- dh took him to the barber to get it cut shorter. Which made Alex very unhappy, to say the least. :?

We have told him that he can have it longer if he starts showering, conditioning, brushing it more regularly. Until then, I told him in 3- 4 weeks he will need to have it trimmed (his Aunt can do this, and won't cut it short).

For Haley, she likes to change out her hairstyle. She takes good care of it, and puts it in cute hairstyles. A full year ago, I let her do a a full out hair dye for the first time of a nice auburn color. It took FOREVER to grow out, though and she soon was tired of it. Honestly, there were still remnants of it almost a year later. :roll: She has had blond highlights added to this, and now has a beautiful strawberry blond color (with the leftover reddish hues from last years dye). She has requested purple highlights, I am not sure I am willing to let her do this just yet. But I might! :grin:

One thing both dh and I will NOT go for is a Mohawk of any style. No offense to anyone who has done this, but dh is NOT having it, and I admit I am not fond of them in any style on boys.

How much of a say do you have on your kids hair style or color? Do you have to push your boys to regularly have cuts? Do you let them grow their hair long if they want, or do you insist on the *groomed* look?


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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby mobetsy » Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:18 pm

In 5th grade, Stephen started growing his hair; by the end of 6th, it was down his back, long enough to donate to Locks of Love when he finally did get it cut. We told him he had to keep it neat and clean, and he did that, aided by hair that naturally falls quite nicely. Since then, he has slowly cut it shorter and shorter. At this time--12th grade, and after his senior pictures--he has a fauxhawk, not too short on the sides or too long on top, though he does have it spiking up; when needed for show choir, he can comb it down. It's not extreme, just sort of fun, and it makes him happy, though his gf was not keen on it at first.

In about 6th grade, Andrew started wearing his hair in a shaggy style, below his collar but not much longer than that; his hair is wavy but falls well, so it looked okay. Mid-summer this year (14 now), he had his dark brown hair darkened a bit more and highlighted with deep purple. It wasn't that obvious, although in full sunlight you could certainly see the purple tones. However, about two weeks later he went to camp, and a week of ocean water and sun stripped all the color. Shortly after that, he and a friend cut his hair so that it is quite short on the sides (#2 clipper) and longer in a strip on the top and down the center back (#8?), though not long enough to stick up like a mohawk. For a variety of reasons, it suits him, and I like being able to see his eyes again.

So, in short, we have let our boys decide about their hair as long as it is clean; it is a place to express some independence, individuality, and rebellion, far preferable to many of the alternatives. We have also tried to give them the same freedom in this respect as we would a daughter.

Edited to add that by virtue of genetics, my boys are highly likely to have significantly receding hairlines by mid-20's, so they might as well have fun with their hair while they have it!
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Tina » Sat Nov 10, 2012 7:05 pm

Same thing here. The boys could pretty much have any style they wanted, as long as they kept it neat (Dh was more of a stickler on this than me.) Brett was always better about that than Sean, so Sean's hair has always typically been kept pretty short.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Linda » Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:35 pm

no hair battles here yet.

Simon clippers his once it starts looking shaggy - when he was younger, DH or I would use the clipper on it but he's been doing it himself for a while. He's not big on shaving facial hair regularly - he usually has a beard (but no moustache beyond the stubble). I don't like it but he's an adult :) I figure at some point, he'll get a job and/or a girl friend who cares about the facial hair being neat and trim and it'll look better.

Cathleen wore her hair very long for years but cut it off for locks of love last year. She's growing it out again with the intent to donate again. She hasn't expressed any interest in colouring/highlighting/perming etc... I don't think we would encourage it if she did - I know we wouldn't pay for it. I would be inclined to allow it if she paid herself, I think DH would be stricter (he's pretty anti-hair colouring/perms/makeup etc... in general...which is one reason I don't colour my grey)
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Maelyn » Sun Nov 11, 2012 9:17 am

I'd probably let them do anything that was clean but I won't have to fight that battle as the school dress code does not allow hair dye of any non-natural color, and the boys choir requires a boys choir haircut (think 1950's kid parted on the side, over the ear, above the collar). Tev likes his buzzed down to almost nothing so I do that and wouldn't get near dye if you paid him in video time as he hates the smells. Even the fun color stuff drives him crazy.

I'm having enough battles getting Cam to get his hair clean - he has very thick hair and it's very oily right now. I think we have finally solved most of it since I told him to ask for it to be layered and thinned and a friend (hairstylist) recommended tea tree oil shampoo which has done wonders for his hair.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby wanda » Sun Nov 11, 2012 9:23 am

I didn't mind hair styles so much, chemicals and coloring were an issue. I worry about their safety with children and I generally refused to pay for them. (I think I paid for Courtney to get highlights once.) As a junior and senior, she did color her hair using drugstore stuff (still didn't like the chemicals).

Length of hair was a non-issue as long as it was neat and clean. I actually loved Brian's hair long. He also shaved his head a few times - didn't like it, but no biggie.

Amazed by those of you with kids who put funky colors in their hair - totally forbidden by the schools where we are. Summertime, kids would sometimes do something, but never during the school year.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby cathie » Sun Nov 11, 2012 10:42 am

DS1 always has messy crazy hair, but I think it's cute. He has it a little bit long, but not really long.
DD has long hair. We don't determine style. She has never asked to dye it, but she won't be allowed until at least high school because of the chemicals.
DS2 has short hair -- not a buzz cut but close.

I really should get the hang of posting a photo on here, lol.

We're a little hypocritical because I highlight my hair... but then again I stopped growing/developing long ago. I think I'm actually shrinking now, lol. Though FWIW, I didn't dye my hair while pg and the first few months of nursing.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby cathie » Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:14 pm

April wrote: he has inherited both my and dh's wavy, thick hair. Which translates to *unruliness* most days. Since he is not very good at keeping up with brushing


This is my ds1 exactly! I don't think he would know what to do with a brush! But since the style is longer for boys now, a lot of them look like this. I think it's cute, at least until they start going for job interviews then we'll need a change :P
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Esther » Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:08 pm

We've let the boys do what they want with their hair. A few years ago when Matt was a freshman/soph he had pretty longish hair, the style was the big moppy do that all the boys were wearing. In general the older two wear their hair layered in a longer style with scissors (when I say longer it is still short, just not a super short boy hair cut).

Danny has mostly worn buzz cuts but this past summer he wanted to let it grow. His hair is definitely asian from DH. Thick super straight. But the stylist the boys all go has kept the back short and cropped with the front part growing out. It looks very stylish and he likes it.

Ryan has the most beautiful hair of all three boys. it is beautiful, thick with nice big curls, waves, no frizz. Really it is the most awesome hair and I'm so envious. He's kinda growing out his beard now b/c of no shave november plus shaving really aggravates his acne, and lo and behold, he said the beard hair is starting to get a little wavy.

None of the boys wanted to ever color or highlight their hair. I wouldn't have a problem with it if they did. And on another note, even though it hasn't been mentioned here, none of them have wanted any piercings. It wouldn't bother me too much but I know it would bother DH if they wanted their ear(s), nose, eyebrow pierced. Down the road it just doesn't look at all professional.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Esther » Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:10 pm

and as far as shampoo, the boys' stylist told Danny he needed to use Prell. Combination of that pre-teen (at the time) and not washing so thoroughly, plus thick hair. She said it is the best at cleaning the scalp and getting rid of scalp buildup and grease. You can't find it all the stores, I know our Rite Aid has it but I don't think Walmart or Target carry it anymore. I don't buy expensive shampoos for the boys anyway, it just ends up going down the drain.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Linda » Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:24 pm

Wanda - our schools don't allow un-natural hair colours either
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Teena » Sun Nov 11, 2012 6:16 pm

Our school doesnt allow unnatural hair colors either...but I did let Ellie get a purple streak in her hair when she was so sick. If wants to color it now, I let her use a semi permanant color. She has always been good about keeoing it clean..
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby mobetsy » Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:45 pm

Esther, Stephen is doing No-shave November too, and man is he looking scruffy! He grows a pretty heavy beard fairly quickly but without the edges trimmed, it is quite messy. Only 11 days in and his appearance seems very different, even though his hair is just the same. His 18th birthday is the 29th, and in years to come it will be fun to look back at photos that should have him with a very noticeable beard.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby JulieB » Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:16 am

I am way more conservative than most of you! NO to any color or extra long hair or mowhawks, etc. Thankfully, no one has wanted to do any of that but I know I wouldn't go for it. As long as they are under 18 in my house, I get a big say on how they look! ha! No piercings either. If they were girls, I would okay pierced ears and blonde hightlights when teenager if wanted. I don't think it is a double standard ... boys are boys and girls are girls. Sorry Charlie!
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby RhondaS » Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:23 pm

You may remember that Ryan had longer hair in high school. Drove my husband crazy, but it really didn't matter to me. As long as it was clean and neat, I was fine with it. Now he wears it very short. It was just something he had to do. The summer after graduation, he had blue tint in it, but when that grew out, he was over the color thing.

Ben wears his hair very short and cuts it often. Surprisingly, it's my daughter that I am most conservative with. She has such pretty hair color, that I don't want her to add highlights or change it. Last summer, she and a group of friends went and had colored streaks put in, I was ok with that and knew it would only be for summer since our school doesn't allow any unnatural colors. There was a long story with them getting it done, but in the end, it was a mess, nobody really liked it, and everyone let it fade asap. Sami still has a couple of blond streaks where the hair was beached, but it blends in well enough. I suppose if she wanted to highlight it now I'd let her, but I hate to start messing with it, and luckily, she feels the same way.

So for me, as long as it is clean and looks neat, I don't care what they do.

Oh, we went through the piercing thing too. When Ryan went off to college, he had a double piercing put in his lip. Hated it, but realized it was his decision, not ours, and it was a lot better than a tattoo! Next came both ears, which he kept short studs in and didn't look bad. After a year, one of his lip rings came out, and last summer, the other one came out too. He just got tired of them. So given the chance, he is growing up and looking more like an adult. The only thing we ever put our foot down on ear gauging, and tattoos. Once he is out of college and completely on his own, that's his choice. While we are helping him, it's ours. I fully expect he will get some someday, but hopefully by then it will be something more tasteful. I can guarantee anything he would have gotten at 18 wold not have been!
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Tina » Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:04 pm

April wrote:We have told him that he can have it longer if he starts showering, conditioning, brushing it more regularly. Until then, I told him in 3- 4 weeks he will need to have it trimmed (his Aunt can do this, and won't cut it short).


Thinking about this some more...that's when my boys started taking their showers in the morning. If they took them at night, by morning their hair was sticking up all over the place and had to be plastered down with water. Maybe if he starts taking showers in the morning it will stay neater throughout the day? JAT.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby WorkingMomx3 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:11 pm

Let's see...some of you can remember Colin's Shirley Temple curls. They have been gone since 2 weeks into his freshman year of college. He now keeps his head buzzed short - no 1 or no 1 cut. He got his first ear piercing at 15 and they other one a year later. And he got a tattoo for his 18th birthday. And then he got another one about 8 months later. I can deal with the ears being pierced but I dislike that tatoos.

Duncan has hair like a sheep. Very coarse and thick. He keeps his hair cut to a no. 2 or 3, so fairly short. His scalp is very flaky.

Ian has been growing his hair out. His hair is wavy, not curly like Colin's. It's an unruly mess and we're trying to figure out what to do. Anyone have a link to boy's hairstyles?
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Tammy » Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:35 pm

I've been pretty lucky with Alec in these areas. He hasn't wanted anything wild. He does like his hair longer than I like (still above his shoulders, but IMO shaggy), but I let him do that until he can no longer stand it, which usually isn't too long. He's pretty fussy about his hair. He likes the tousled look, but it's an intentional mess. :P

I have to say that I have seen some young girls with unnatural colors, like pink or purple, for highlights, and in some cases it's been very tastefully done.

Alec and I have actually had talks about hair color/style and perception, and he doesn't like the idea of people judging him based on a wild hair color or style. I, however, have explained to him that it's wrong for people (him included) to make judgments about a person based on things like these. Interesting discussions to say the least! Had me thinking I had a little Alex P. Keaton on my hands. He has said he'd worry about what his teachers would think of him.
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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby ruffages » Fri Nov 23, 2012 8:48 pm

Very and somewhat timely conversation. One in which I tend to dig in my heels. Or did.

Dylan grew out his hair in 5th gradish timeframe. I.HATED.IT. Hockey hair is what it was called (and he didn't play hockey). Then around his freshman year, he asked me to come in with him to get it cut and let me tell them how I wanted it. I raised an eyebrow and since it seemed like I was given the green light, though I didn't fully run with it. I had them cut it shorter than it had been but not really how *I* wanted it. He gradually went shorter and shorter...to the point where I was cutting his hair with clippers (his and all his HS buddies). Almost a semester under his belt and he's letting it grow again. I'm biting my lip but he is currently working on his paperwork to do the Air National Guard so it will be gone by next summer regardless so I'm just gonna zip it.

The girls? OY. We had a somewhat bad experience this summer with "color". And by color I mean Kool-Aid. The craze here was to do peek-a-boos with Koolaid (un sweetened dissolved in HOT water). I came home one day and Alaina had done hers with black cherry. She assured me it would wash out in a couple weeks, so I gritted my teeth and went ahead and let Marissa do it as well. And of course Gillian wanted to do it. The problem with her is her hair is so blonde that it would be WAY noticeable...way more than Alaina or Marissa. So we agreed to do a small blue but a strip on the side of her head...similar to a feather or a clip in. Well, even pulling her hair back, she ended up pushing the front of her hair into the "dye" forcing us to have to dye the whole section. So she looked like a smurf (luckily school pics were already taken).

WELL...we're through 3 months and the dye STILL isn't out. Marissa's is probably the most out but hers wasn't super dark. Gillian we used peroxide, peroxide with baking soda, toothpaste, pretty much every remedy suggested and it is STILL there. Kinda greenish now. With Alaina she asked if we could dye her hair darker to see if we could cover the dark red. At this point I figured why not. 2 boxes (needed to get through her waist length thick hair)later, she now has med brown hair and you can STILL see the red. I'm not really thrilled with the darker brown but it does give her a different look and makes her eyes pop.

But we're talking the difference between $14 (for 2 boxes, which were actually free because a friend gave them to us) and $100+ at a salon. I'm not thrilled with them messing with their hair color (and for the most part, they're not really thrilled with the Kool-Aid thing), and I"m not willing to pay the high price of keeping up hilights. I don't even do it on my own anymore (except for something really special), so I'm not going to pay that for them.

With regard to haircuts for the girls, I have pretty much let the older two do what they want. I was completely opposed to them cutting bangs (mostly because of dance and them having to slick them back) but Alaina figured out how to make it work while she had them and Marissa is no longer in dance so she is the only one with them. Gillian I can rarely get to brush her hair so she doesn't get a say but she also doesn't really care (yet).

So...the upshot is I have bent. Some. I would caution strongly (I mean STRONGLY) against Kool-Aid. If they want to color it...go with hair chalk.

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Re: Spinoff.... older kids and hairstyles/color

Postby Alison » Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:59 am

Meagan has experimented with some hair color, including the kool aid. My only rule is that she can't dye her hair in my house because walls/rugs etc have been stained from dripping hair dye. And I won't pay for it. She has been lucky so far and has had good results. Ryan likes his hair cut very short, it is very thick and he has a hard time keeping it clean. If he wanted it longer I would be ok with it as long as it was kept clean and brushed.
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